How the Irken Stole Christmas
by Invader Hera
Summary: Parody of How the Grinch Stole Christmas. It's kind of weird, but read it anyway!


How the Irken Stole Christmas  
By Invader Hera  
Disclaimer: I don't own any Invader ZIM characters. Jhonen Vasquez does.  
I also don't own the original version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas.  
Dr. Seuss does.  
  
Every Who  
Down in Who-ville  
Liked Christmas a lot...  
But Zim  
Who lived just north of Who-ville,  
Did not!  
Zim hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!  
But, he's so weird, I don't know the reason.  
It could be because his head was so big.  
It could be Gir's annoying stuffed pig.  
But I think that the most likely reason of all  
May have been that his squeedly spooch was two sizes too small.  
But,  
Whatever the reason,  
His squeedly spooch or his head,  
He stood there on Christmas Eve, wanting the Whos dead,  
Staring down from his base with a sour, Irken frown  
At the warm lighted windows below in their town.  
For he knew every Who down in Who-ville beneath  
Was busy now, hanging a mistletoe wreath.  
"And they're hanging their stockings!" he snarled with a sneer.  
"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"  
Then he growled, with his Zim fingers nervously drumming,  
"I must find some way to stop Christmas from coming!"  
For,  
Tomorrow he knew...  
All the Who girls and boys  
Would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their toys!  
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!  
That's one thing Zim hated! The noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!  
  
Then the Whos, young and old,  
Would sit down to a feast.  
And they'd feast! And they'd feast!  
And they'd feast! Feast! Feast! Feast!  
They would feast on Who-pudding, and rare Who-roast-beast!  
Which was something that Zim couldn't stand in the least!  
And then  
They'd do something  
Zim liked least of all!  
Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small,  
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing,  
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Whos would start singing!  
They'd sing! And they'd sing!  
And they'd sing! Sing! Sing! Sing!  
And the more Zim thought of this Who-Christmas-Sing,  
The more he thought, "I must stop this whole thing!  
"Why, for fifty Earth years I've put up with it now!  
"I must stop this Christmas from coming!  
"...But how?"  
Then he got an idea!  
A doomful idea!  
Zim  
Got an ingenious, doomful idea!  
"I know just what to do!" Zim laughed in his throat.  
And he made a quick Santa Claus hat and a coat.  
And he chuckled and clucked, "Aren't I great?  
"With these clothes, I can prepare for the Whos' moosey fate!"  
"All I need is a deer-beast..."  
Zim looked around.  
But, since he killed them all off, there was none to be found.  
Did that stop short, little Zim...?  
No! The Irken simply said,  
"If I can't find a deer-beast, I'll make one instead!"  
So he called his SIR, Gir. Then he took some red thread  
And he tied a big horn on the top of his head.  
Then  
He loaded some bags  
And some old empty sacks  
On a ramshackle sleigh  
And he hitched up dumb Gir.  
Then Zim yelled, "Gir, move it!"  
And the sleigh started down  
Toward the homes where the Whos  
Lay a-snooze in their town.  
All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.  
All the Whos were all dreaming sweet dreams without care  
When he came to the first little house on the square.  
"This is victim number one," little Zim hissed  
And he climbed to the roof, empty bags in his fist.  
Then he slid down the chimney, it was easy for him.  
For no one's greater than short, little Zim.  
It didn't take long, just a moment or two.  
Then he stuck his head out of the fireplace flue  
Where the little Who stockings all hung in a row.  
"These stockings," he grinned, "are the first things to go!"  
Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,  
Around the whole room, and he took every present!  
Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums!  
Checkerboards! Tricycles! Poopcorn! And plums!  
And he stuffed them in bags. Then, Zim, very nimbly,  
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimbly!  
Then he slunk to the icebox. He took the Whos' feast!  
He too the Who-pudding! He took the roast beast!  
He cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.  
Why, Zim even took their last can of Who-hash!  
Then he stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.  
"And now!" grinned Zim, "I'll stuff up the tree!"  
And Zim grabbed the tree, and he started to shove,  
When he heard a sound unlike the coo of a dove.  
He turned around fast, and he saw a small Who!  
Creepy, little Gaz Who, who was not more than two.  
Zim had been caught by this Gothic Who daughter  
Who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water.  
She glared at Zim and said,  
"What are you doing? Do you want to be dead?"  
  
But, you know, Zim was so annoying and rude!  
He thought up something mean, wicked Irken dude!  
"Get away, you smell like feet!  
"I'm taking your tree, you dumb Earth Smeet!  
"I'm superior to you!  
"So go away! Shoo!"  
Zim hit creepy Gaz, right in the head.  
She hit him back, and ran back to bed.  
Zim grabbed something nearby, it was a cup.  
He threw it at her, then stuffed the tree up.  
Then the last thing Zim took  
Was the log for their fire!  
Then he went up the chimney, himself, the short, little liar.  
On their walls he left nothing but hooks and some wire.  
And the one speck of food  
That he left in the house'  
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.  
Then  
Zim did the same thing  
To the other Whos' houses  
Leaving crumbs  
Much too small  
For the other Whos' mousse!  
It was quarter past dawn...  
All the Whos, still a-bed,  
All the Whos, still a-snooze  
When Zim packed up his sled,  
Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!  
The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings!  
Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Crumpit,  
He rode with his load to the tiptop to dump it!  
"Dookie to the Whos!" he was Zim-ish-ly humming.  
"They're finding out now that no Cristmas is coming!  
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do.  
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two  
"Then the Whos down in Who-ville will all cry boo-hoo!"  
  
"That's a noise," grinned Zim,  
"That I simply must hear!"  
So he paused. And Zim put his hand to his non-existent ear.  
And he did hear a sound rising over the snow.  
It started in low. Then it started to grow...  
But, the sound wasn't sad!  
Why, this sound sounded merry!  
It couldn't be so!  
But it was merry! Very!  
Zim stared down at Who-ville!  
He popped his eyes!  
Then he shook!  
What he saw was a shocking surprise!  
Every Who down in Who-ville, the tall and the small,  
Was singing! Without any presents at all!  
He hadn't stopped Christmas from coming!  
It came!  
Somehow or other, it came just the same!  
And Zim, with his Zim-feet ice-cold in the snow,  
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?  
"It came without ribbons! It came without tags!  
"It came without packages, boxes, or bags!"  
And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.  
Then Zim thought of something he hadn't before!  
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.  
"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"  
And what happened then...?  
Well...in Who-ville they say  
That Zim's squeedly spooch  
Grew three sizes that day!  
And the minute his squeedly spooch didn't feel quite so tight,  
He whizzed with his load through the bright morning light  
And he brought back the toys! And the food for the feast!  
But he...  
He was too afraid of the stinging Earth meat  
To carve the roast beast! 


End file.
